I do not believe that a person can be one dimensional. There are so many facets in a person’s character that I refuse to believe that one can be labelled as “bad”. I always thought that just because one is a shitty partner, that doesn’t mean that one is also bad at friendship or is a bad son/daughter to their family. It is just two completely different stories. That is why I’ve learned never to remove or block any of my exes…anymore. I used to do it a lot when I was young and liked to play victim. I’ve learned to understand that just because two people aren’t meant to be together romantically, it doesn’t erase the fact that you can still care for each other deeply.
It puzzled me when I realized I was removed. It means this person doesn’t even consider me as their friend anymore. That made me so sad and disappointed. I always looked up to this person as the more mature one. What is more, I am supposed to believe that this is all done in my favour. I did not understand why it had to be that way. I thought we would at least be in each other’s life as friend. We are good people. I refrained from contact because I did not want to overwhelm this person with my feeling. What happened was unfortunate but it was nobody’s fault. We were simply caught in the moment.
I never thought I would say this but seeing that person there, on a date, was my final wake-up call. That this is really over. This is reality. This is how it would be from now on. Us seeing different people. Moving on. It finally sank in. Acceptance is a small quiet room. I no longer feel the longing pain in my chest. The pit in my stomach is gone. I don’t know how it happened but it just did. The tears have stopped flowing. It just feels…FINAL. No salvation.
I debated for a long time if I should write about this. I simply just don’t find it worthy of my time and energy anymore. But eventually, I think this is something worth celebrating for. Growth is always worth celebrating – no matter how small or how late.
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Who would have thought that Saturday night was also the beginning of something so wonderful that I have to keep from pinching myself to see if I was dreaming? This is so cliche but what I have now makes me feel like whatever that I went through up until now is definitely worth it. My heart is so full. I am beyond content, happy and grateful for the love I now have in my life.
Till then,
N.
Your Favorite Sagittarius 